Wear Your Happy and Live Your Life

'Wear Your Happy and Live Your Life!'

By Karen Arthur (She/Her)

My name is Karen and I’m sixty one and it’s great. I like it better than 30, definitely better than 40 and as for 50? Heaps! I saw a slogan recently that read ‘I’m old but I’m happy’. The ‘but’ irked me. Let’s stop change the Ageing = BAD narrative shall we? I’m old AND I’m happy. Full stop.

I’m mother to two grown daughters and a grandma to an energetic three year old.

In 2015 I had a breakdown I prefer to call a breakthrough and left my teaching career after 28 years in the game. A month later my aunt Monica died. Grief led me to wear her clothing to help bring her closer to me and to feel better. I called it Wear Your Happy. I started to talk about it to anyone who’d listen. And slowly I began to heal.

I believe wholeheartedly in the positive power of fashion and mental well-being. There’s a world of difference between what I wore a decade ago to the way I show up in the world now. These days I dress intentionally in clothing that lifts my mood o a daily basis. I dress for me.

Try this:

Choose an item of clothing you LOVE. You might associate it with a memory or a feeling, it might have been gifted to you by someone you love. It may be your favourite colour. It might be softly textured, it might be warm, it might be vintage. It might remind you of places you’ve been to and had fun or a beautiful childhood memory. Clothing that sparkles or rustles or is light and airy. All that matters is that you love it. Pay attention to how you feel when you wear it. Hold that thought and step outside.

Dress how you want to.

Live the way you want to.

We’re not on this tiny rock for long enough to live for someone else’s opinion.

If you show up everyday for you first, you give others the strength and encouragement to do the same.

It starts with you.

I’ve been pondering on a question I was asked…

’What do I love most about midlife, growing older, menopause, aging, all of the above’.

What do I love most is that there’s so much to choose from. I love myself more as I age than any other time in my life. I love the person I’m growing into. I love that I don't really care about what people think of what I wear, what I do or who I am. Because the only person's opinion that actually matters is mine because it's my life. I believe that ageing is a privilege. I am so thrilled to still be here enjoying as many moments as I can. I’m learning to put things in perspective so that even when I do feel down I know that it will move through me. No two days are the same. The older I become the freer, lighter and more joyful I feel.

My mission is to show up in this world and live my life as truthfully as possible.

I intentionally seek joy. I try to do no harm.

Good mental well-being is my first priority and I urge people, especially those socialised as women, to embrace ageing as joyfully as possible, to rest and to listen to your body before you’re left with no choice.

I'm just here to say that it gets better. Ageing isn’t to be feared. Its to be embraced.

Age is literally just a number.

All the things I thought I’d do or be by 30, 40 or 50 either didn’t happen at all or in those time frames. So much more opened up when I stopped living by someone else’s perception of what I should have achieved. In my sixties my world is still opening up! Not by others standards of whatever they think success is, but by my own. Because that’s ALL that matters.

There’s no right time. There’s just THIS time. YOUR time.

Do the thing, take a break or draw the line.

Start where you are.

Because doING is better than NOthing.

I am learning to let go. I am learning to trust my gut and try to align with my values. It’s a daily practice. It isn’t always easy. (Don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise).

I haven’t always felt this way. It’s taken time to embrace this stage of my life. It’s also worth sharing that every day doesn’t feel the same but that the pluses far outweigh the shitty meh bits.

But the whole false notions of ‘I need to look at certain/act/feel a certain way to fit in’ are the bottom of the bin and every day I work at keeping the lid on, mostly successfully. I could say I wish I’d done it a long time ago but then I wouldn’t have walked the path I have walked and you would be seeing this now would you?

All this to say, just do you. All that stuff you’ve been told you have to do or be? Honestly it’s a crock of sh*te deliberately designed to keep you small and fearful of sharing your gifts and unique voice with the world.

Some of the above realisations only arrived after the fact. Words I wouldn’t have listened to when I might have needed to because I was too scared or I thought I knew better. I’m saying them now because they’re still important and they may be words you need to hear today.

No one has the blueprint for your life. Don’t watch the should’ve-by-thirty crew or the Do-it-my-way gang if it doesn’t fundamentally align with your circumstance or situation.

You can only do the best you can with what you have in that moment. One tiny move forward. Or even sideways. Some days more fluid than others.

Life isn’t as carefully curated as it seems on social media. But if it was…how would you tell the difference between the downs and the ups?

Here are my Wear Your Happy tips for confident dressing at any age:

Start small and work your way outwards.
Pick one item you absolutely LOVE and go from there.
Remember dressing isn’t a competition. Dress for YOU!
Be your own role model.
What others think about you is none of your business.
Stop saving clothes for special occasions. Waking up is a cause for celebration!

How will you Wear Your Happy today?

Karen. L. Arthur

Instagram @thekarenarthur | @menopausewhilstblack.

Founder of Wear Your Happy®, Menopause Whilst Black the Podcast and The Joy Retreat Barbados®

Website www.thekarenarthur.com